A blog about the grief after losing a child to Niemann Pick, Type C, a rare disease, and how I'm moving forward with my life.

Thursday, December 14, 2017


This time of year always makes me think about the past year and I always get a bit melancholy.

This year it's hitting a bit harder.  I was going through some "On This Day" posts this week.  I think I realize why.

2011: I spent almost 24 hours editing videos and saving them to CDs to bring to Dan's doctors.

2014: Dan's urn arrived and we were finally able to give him is permanent resting place.  I remember ordering it as soon as my Jamberry bonus arrived and Shelby kissing the bag of ashes (at 16 months) and saying "I love you".

This meteor shower last night also didn't help with the emotional balance.  Plus the frigid weather is keeping me huddled up with comfort clothes and food.

Shelby doesn't quite understand why mommy locks herself in the bathroom at times.  Sometimes a deep cry is healing.

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Time to slow down

Have you ever looked at your day or week and said "where did the week go?" and your to-do list was never touched?

Yeah, well I did that today.  And I realized that most of that busyness was created by others and we were just reacting to it. 

It wasn't due to things that we were planning on doing, it was all the extras that everyone else decided were important for us.

Well, after this realization, it's time to make what my daughter and husband and I want to do the priority.  We get so little time together as a family, we need to make the most of it.

So last night we went to a kids Polar Express party where Shelby created ornaments and a mug.  Today was breakfast with Santa (to benefit a local non profit) with a bounce house and putting our own tree up.  Tomorrow is a kids Christmas party for most of the afternoon.

Yes, we are busy.  To see the joy on her face as she experiences new things, and remembers things from past years, is priceless.